One of the greatest challenges you will face as you undertake the work of regaining your sense of self is believing that it is there in the first place.
You can feel so worn down. You are good at taking care of everyone else. You have put your own needs off for so long that you barely know what they are anymore.
It’s normal to feel a little anxiety – panic, even – when you start to ask yourself questions about who you really are.
When you repeatedly are required to conform to the shape of your marriage as determined by the outlines of the capabilities or incapabilities of your husband as a result of Asperger Syndrome, you can feel, as some of my clients have told me, that you are in the marriage at about 125% whereas your husband is in at about 75%. In other words, you do all the compromising, you do all the balancing, you do all the interpreting to the outside world, and you carry the weight of the social calendar as well as the weight of your interpersonal communication.
It is exhausting. It’s also not a fair division of responsibility, as you know already, deep inside. It certainly explains why you might sometimes feel as if you don’t know who you are anymore.
Like the tree seen dimly through the fog in the photo above, you are still there.
The fog will lift when the sun burns it off, and the tree will be visible. And it will be beautiful.
You will re-emerge once you give yourself the opportunity to let the sun shine into the parts of your life that you have left unacknowledged for some time now – maybe even for years, depending on how long you’ve been married, and how long you’ve had to carry the weight for two.
Don’t let the fog get you down.
It is a temporary condition, and with time and effort and support, you will feel the warmth of the sun once again. It is imperative that you believe this.